The great Indian bus ride , Episode 1: Ticket to ride

As every other morning, I was waiting for the bus at the stop where the ride begins. This is of great importance to the chronic traveler. At the first sight of the bus, people brace themselves in various strategic positions to get a head start to enter the bus.

The men and little boys don’t do this, because they have an uncanny knack of jumping into a running bus, it is only the ever so gentle ladies who push and block and nudge you out of your way while they barge into the bus!

With years of practice, I have managed to nudge back and push all other blockaders!
And place myself somewhere as comfortable as a long legged person trapped in a seat like contraption can be!

You may wonder why one has to sit in such uncomfortable conditions, but those who travel by bus frequently will know just how important it is to get a place to sit. I will explain to you just why it is so important to sit in a short while.

As you settle yourself for the oncoming journey, and if you have flashes of guilt about being a selfish person, here is a chance to prove that you have a large heart.You can offer (else will be imposed) your lap as temporary cloak room where others can unburden their belongings which an be anything from a bag to a child, a word of caution there: If the child is sick, it is better you relenquish your seat to the child or its proud owner! I am not saying this out of empathy, but out of an utterly selfish motive! Unless you want the child blowing its nose all over you or resting its oily head on you’re new white cotton kurta...or still worse…a travel sick child!

Buying a ticket is as exciting as investing in stock market! You pass the money through a sea of people, anxiously craning your neck to see if the person passes the money and doesn’t bungle with the destination’s name!

And when the conductor does pass the precious ticket with assorted change, you are doubly anxious to receive the ticket and change! Well all this can be very conveniently avoided if you decided to give this ticket buying affair a pass, BUT there is always an omniscient presence of khaki clad, enlarged belly men waiting as eagerly as a frog would for a stupid fly, to embarrass and harass the innocent to check if you’ve got a ticket

If you are a man,and you fumble in your pockets to find the elusive ticket which you probably had scrunched up among the other contents of your pocket, the frog man will catch you by the collar,if you still don’t find your ticket, he will shake you until all the teeth in your head rattle.
But if you are a pretty looking, well groomed woman, you definitely receive better treatment.Even If you havent got a beauty contest winner looks (which is not much these days!) you can try purling the same look your dog gives you when you deny a chocolate to it, you will be let off with a reprimand as soft as one used to scold a new born!

Sorry boys, we are definitely a superior breed than you!